In case you think I’m turning into a lean, mean, running machine, let me assure you otherwise. I am still about 40 pounds overweight. I’ve been running a few times a week for nine months and haven’t really lost any weight (though I don’t know for sure because I don’t own a scale).

Most days, that doesn’t really bother me. It’s been such an amazing journey so far, and the part about learning to love and trust and honour my body is worth so much more than reaching some kind of ideal weight that may in fact have nothing to do with the size my body SHOULD be.

I said most days, because today is not one of those days. Today I’m discouraged. Today I looked at a photo of myself and thought “why am I still so fat?” Today I wish it were otherwise. Today I’m sitting on the couch with my jeans unbuttoned for comfort, thinking “shouldn’t they be loose by now?”

What’s discouraging is that, even though I haven’t made a significant effort to change my diet, I know I’m certainly not eating more than I used to eat. I’m eating reasonable amounts, and mostly healthy foods, and I rarely find myself eating to excess. If I’m burning extra calories and the intake is the same, shouldn’t that result in a loss?

Fortunately, the days when I feel discouraged are fewer than the days when I feel transformed, so I’ll stick with this journey and send a little extra love to this body that’s mine for better or for worse. Even if it never changes, it’s a pretty amazing body and it’s feeling better and better every day.

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